I Am

I Am! is a poem by John Clare. This is not an imitation or version of his poem. I just started with those first two words – I am – and went on.

I am, and though I think I know myself,
There must be stuff I don’t (don’t want to) know.
I was, and what I was I cannot tell.
There are some still who would willingly go
Back to scenes of my home and early life-
Quote me! (God forbid!) – fill in the gaps
But why would I trust them with my archive?
Let them laugh and cry over my mishaps?

I leave it to chance and the unrhythmic sea,
Which one day washes up a rusty tin
The next dumps a case of smugglers’ gin
On the beach to remind me This Was Me.
I recall the days of romances and lust.
The earth moved once or twice in the turmoil
Doing no more than raising a puff of dust,
At last on troubled waters pouring oil.

And now the dust has settled over me,
A light coating- you can still read through it
What was, what might have been, what will be.
I hope against hope that I shall have the wit
To take, heedful of the tale of Lot’s wife,
The safety of the unexamined life.