New Year Resolutions

On the second day of January I ran up Sugarloaf Hill,
Walked down, ran up again, swallowed a fish-oil pill,
Then breakfasted on organic camu-camu-berry powder
Stirred into organic orange juice; lunched on fennel-seed and kefir chowder.

On my way home I signed up at the gym,
At Tai-Chi for Beginners, Meditation, Swim
For Life, and the Clean-Your-Psyche class –
At last, in the Year of Our Lord 2018, I’m getting off my arse.

The next day I ran up Sugarloaf Hill etcetera etcetera,
Began reading the Uruguayan Symbolist Poets,
Started writing a novel – this time not thinking ‘better a
Novel unfinished than never begun’ ; no, it’s

Going to be my masterpiece, probably by Jan 10.
After that I began an affair with a woman from a minority group,
Ate more fennel-seed and kefir soup,
Stirred up the camu-camu-berry powder again.

On the fourth day of January I was up Sugarloaf Hill
Before you can say knife, swam across the Channel to Deauville.
Back home I did some charity work; Pilates;
Cleared the litter all the way up The Leas;

Soaked in a bath of Epsom Salts (detox; magnesium-rich)
By the light of an aromatherapy candle
(It was difficult, though, to relax, as I had an itch
To listen, before bedtime, to the Complete Works of Georg Frederick Handel).

Well, today is the seventh day, the day of rest
So I drank a bottle of gin for breakfast; (I haven’t shaved);
Congratulated myself that I’ve been so well-behaved –
I’ve done all this stuff – put off for years the cardiac arrest;

But – you know – I think this might be the final day
Of 2018’s New Year Resolutions. I sprang out of the blocks
But enough’s enough – I’m turning off the alarm clocks,
Throwing out the health food, and reaching for the ashtray.


Notes- Sugarloaf Hill and The Leas are both places in Folkestone. I don’t know how high Sugarloaf Hill is but nearby Cheriton Hill is 617 ft, so it is probably about that.